THE BYTCHE ACADEMY FOR YOUNG GIRLS

INT. AN ACADEMIC OFFICE, DAY.

SEATED BEHIND A FINE MAHOGANY DESK, SURROUNDED BY BOOKS IS A SMARTLY DRESSED, MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN – HELEN BYTCHE, HEADMISTRESS.

HELEN
Hello. I'm Helen Bytche. If you're watching this video, that means your daughter is growing up and you have begun to ask yourself how you can best equip her for the future.

HELEN RISES FROM HER DESK AND APPROACHES THE SCHOOL CREST FOR THE BYTCHE ACADEMY FOR YOUNG GIRLS.

HELEN
And naturally, you have decided upon the finest boarding school of the Eastern Seaboard: The Bytche Academy for Young Girls. Good for you.

CUT TO: A RANDOM CLASSROOM FULL OF 12 YEAR OLD GIRLS, BEING LED IN A LESSON.

HELEN (V.O.)
Here at the Bytche Academy for Young Girls, we will mold your little girl into a well-bred young woman in the finest Bytche tradition. We start each morning with the School Pledge...

TEACHER
Now, once again: Who is always right?

GIRLS
I am!

TEACHER
And how are things done?

GIRLS
MY way!

TEACHER
And anyone that challenges you...

GIRLS
...Is a fat slut!

CUT TO: LATER IN THE DAY, THE SAME CLASSROOM. THE TEACHER IS STANDING OVER TWO GIRLS SEATED AT A LONG TABLE. YOUNG GIRL #1 HAS A CUP OF YOGURT AND A SINGLE RICE CAKE. YOUNG GIRL #2 HAS A SANDWICH. STANDING OFF TO THE SIDE IS A THIRD YOUNG GIRL, WHO HAS A TOWEL OR SCARF DRAPED OVER HER FOREARM. THE TEACHER IS LEADING A DEMONSTRATION.

HELEN (V.O.)
Before leading into such subjects as Dining Etiquette...

YOUNG GIRL #3
I'm sorry, but we seem to be out of the '23. Can we interest you in the '25?

YOUNG GIRL #1
I didn't ask for the '25. I asked for the '23.

YOUNG GIRL #3
I'm sorry, but we don't have the...

YOUNG GIRL #2
That's really not our problem, now is it?

YOUNG GIRL #1
Listen...if you like having a job, I want you to watch my mouth: I want the Twen-ty-THREE, and you have five minutes to find it before I have to dial the Department of Health while my friend dials Immigration. Got it?!

TEACHER
Very good. Remember, girls – don't stop until you get what you want.

YOUNG GIRL #1 TURNS TO YOUNG GIRL #2.

YOUNG GIRL #1
What kind of sandwich is that?

YOUNG GIRL #2
Ham.

YOUNG GIRL #1
Hm. Why am I not surprised...

YOUNG GIRL #1 NIBBLES HER RICE CAKE WHILE YOUNG GIRL #2 LOOKS DOWN AT HER SANDWICH. CUT TO: LATER IN THE DAY, WHERE ANOTHER LESSON IS IN SESSION.

HELEN (V.O.)
Science and Health...

TEACHER
...It's a very natural, beautiful thing, absolutely – but once you've gotten (Pointing to a drawing of a hand on the blackboard) The Ring, you only have to do it on special occasions. Yes?

STUDENT
Like birthdays?

TEACHER
Sometimes.

CUT TO: THE SAME CLASSROOM, LATER IN THE DAY. A GUEST LECTURER – WITH POINTER IN HAND – IS LEADING THE DISCUSSION. ON THE BOARD ARE THREE DRAWINGS OF DIFFERENTLY DRESSED WOMEN.

HELEN (V.O.)
...Not to mention guest lectures by some of our most noted alumni.

GUEST LECTURER
As anyone will tell you, the world is made of many different types. Who can tell me who stands before you here?

SHE POINTS TO EACH DRAWING IN RAPID SUCCESSION. GIRLS RAISE THEIR HANDS AND CALL OUT ANSWERS WITH EACH POINT.


YOUNG GIRL #3
Skank.

YOUNG GIRL #4
Tramp.

GUEST LECTURER
Good, very good! Of course, this one (POINTING TO THE THIRD DRAWING) was a little trickier. She's also a skank, but what else do you notice about her?

A BEAT OR TWO. THEN, YOUNG GIRL #5 RAISES HER HAND.

GUEST LECTURER
Yes?

YOUNG GIRL #5
Her eyelashes are fake, her shoes are out of season...

GUEST LECTURER
Aaaaand...?

YOUNG GIRL #5 THINKS FOR A MOMENT. THEN...

YOUNG GIRL #5
She got her handbag from a street vendor, but tells everybody she got it at Bloomingdale's!

GUEST LECTURER
Very sharp eye, Esme. Well done.

RETURN TO: HELEN'S OFFICE. SHE RETURNS TO HER SEAT.

HELEN
What a fine, young Bytche she'll make. Don't you agree? Of course you do. Students who graduate in our top ten percent get advanced standing at our sister school – the City University for a New Tomorrow. Enroll your little girl now to the school that has been turning young girls into phenomenal Bytches since 1836: The Bytche Academy for Young Girls

OUT.